Where People Pleasing Comes From & How to Overcome It

Where People Pleasing Comes From & How to Overcome It


Are you the kind of person who is always worried about keeping everyone happy? Do you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own, even if it means compromising on your own happiness? If so, you might be a people pleaser.

People pleasing is a common habit that can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, your desire to make others happy can make you empathetic and compassionate. However, when taken too far, it can be detrimental to your own wellbeing and can lead to a lack of self-esteem and boundary setting. In this blog post, we will discuss the origins of people pleasing and how to overcome it.


Where Does People Pleasing Come From?

People pleasing often stems from our desire to be accepted and liked by others. This can start from childhood, where we learn to conform to social norms and seek approval from our parents, teachers, and peers. The more positive attention we receive, the more likely we are to continue this behavior.

Another reason for people pleasing is fear of rejection or conflict. People pleasers may feel that if they don't go along with what others want, they will be ostracized or face negative consequences. This fear can be paralyzing and lead to a lack of assertiveness.

Lastly, people pleasing can stem from a need for control. By going out of their way to make others happy, people pleasers feel that they have some control over situations and can prevent negative outcomes.

How to Overcome People Pleasing

  • Identify the pattern
    The first step to overcoming people pleasing is to recognize that it exists in your life. This means reflecting on your interactions with others and identifying the situations where you prioritize others over yourself.
  • Gain Awareness of Your Needs
    Once you've identified your pleaser tendencies, it is time to start setting boundaries and assert your own needs. This could mean speaking up and saying "no" more often, or simply expressing your own desires and preferences.
  • Practice self-care
    Take care of yourself by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help increase your self-esteem and confidence.
  • Challenge Your Beliefs
    Sometimes, our beliefs about what others expect of us can be unfounded. It is important to challenge these beliefs and understand that you have the right to your own opinions and choices.
  • Seek Professional Help
    If you find it difficult to overcome your people-pleasing habits, it may be beneficial to speak to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with the tools and techniques to help you assert yourself and set boundaries.



People pleasing can be a challenging habit to overcome, but it is important to do so in order to lead a fulfilling life. Remember that setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your own needs is not selfish, but rather a necessary part of self-care. With the right mindset and support, anyone can overcome people pleasing and live a life that is true to themselves.

At Nadia Dhillon Counseling, our therapists work towards guiding individuals through self-discovery, understanding their problems, and finding solutions to improve their well-being. If you need counseling services to assist you in overcoming people pleasing behavior, contact us today to schedule an appointment.

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